Talking Turkey
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: Ah, Thanksgiving. The food. The football. The gratitude. The food. The parades. The food. The drinks. The quality time. The food. The Black Friday bloodshed 24 hours later. Everything is perfect on Thanksgiving Day. Leave it to Testicular Sound Express and KG to ruin it for themselves.


_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide The Day

SEASON 2

EPISODE 8

Airdate: November 24, 2013

Title: Talking Turkey (Thanksgiving episode)

Segway Segment: Classic Music Videos ("Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)" by KRS-One featuring Keva)

Satire/Social Commentary: None

Special Guest Stars: Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins as Herself, Rozonda "Chilli" Thomas as Herself

The episode begins with a quote by John F. Kennedy in front of a black screen. While in office as U.S. President, Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963. 50 years and two days to the episode's airing. This is his tribute.

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent retribution inevitable."

SCENE 1

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

It's the evening of November 26. Testicular Sound Express and KG is on hand for this important event. RK and KG have created a slideshow presentation, with Wade's help, on the group's Thanksgiving plans. However, for some unknown reason, all the Jennings brothers are doing is staring at the guys in an uninterested way. A good six seconds passes before something is said.

SPARKY: Um, guys? Are you going to start the presentation before Thanksgiving?

KG: Oh, the show started, right. Anyway, this is our Thanksgiving plan, and it all starts tomorrow night.

RK: Every member of Testicular Sound Express is to report here at 8:00 on the dot because you're all staying over.

JAYLYNN: Why do we have to stay over?

KG: Because you have to help us make Thanksgiving dinner? Duh!

(groaning)

SPARKY: Good thing I have the Thanksgiving pass.

WADE: Why do you get the Thanksgiving pass? That pass is rightfully mine!

SPARKY: Oh, really? Might I remind you what happened last year?

It's November 29, 2012. Thanksgiving morning. Sparky is running around trying to make sure the dinner is ready on time but if it's not one thing he has to attend to, it's another. Plus, the phone is ringing off the hook.

(phone ringing)

SPARKY: WHAT?!

(The turkey falls on the floor)

SPARKY: Oh, that's right, nobody's here. Oh no, the turkey!

Back to reality.

SPARKY: I still have nightmares. Horrible nightmares of that day. (shudders)

RK: Wade, because Sparky went through a bunch of laborious pain and suffering to make last year's Thanksgiving meal, he receives this year's Thanksgiving pass. And as you all know, with the pass, you're exempted from making any food and helping out in the kitchen whatsoever.

JAYLYNN: But what are we bringing with us tomorrow night?

RK: Jaylynn, I would appreciate it if you raised your hand.

(An annoyed Jaylynn raises her hand)

RK: Jaylynn, did you have...

JAYLYNN: YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID!

(long pause)

KG: Well, Jaylynn, what you're bringing tomorrow is just whatever you feel is necessary to bring. We don't expect any guests so you don't have to dress up.

RK: And since it's our turn to make the Thanksgiving meal, it's at our discretion to control the menu. Unless any of you have suggestions.

WADE: Some pizza on the table would be a nice break from the norm.

BUSTER: Oh, trust me, you don't want to order pizza on Thanksgiving. I speak from experience.

NOVEMBER 2011-THANKSGIVING DAY

(Buster's phone rings)

BUSTER: Talk to me.

JAMAICAN LADY: Did you order a pizza?

BUSTER: Um, no. Who is this and why are you calling me?

(long pause)

JAMAICAN LADY: I AM GOING TO COME...AND HURT YOU!

(extremely long pause)

(Buster hangs up the phone and slowly backs away)

SCENE 2

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Sam Puckett Auditorium

Seattle, Washington

Ms. Radwell has called in the students of iCarly Elementary School for an assembly before they leave for Thanksgiving break.

MS. RADWELL: So I want to personally wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving and have plenty of rest this weekend. You may now exit by row.

(The kids throw papers into the air in celebration)

(to Sparky) BUSTER: What the...these papers are blank. All of them. Why are we throwing blank papers into the air?

A couple minutes ago, TSE is leaving school.

RK: I hope you guys are ready to pitch in and help make this meal a success.

JAYLYNN: I don't get why we need to pitch in. Didn't Sparky make the meal for you guys last year all by himself?

RK: Sparky's a workhorse. Besides, you guys can't just lounge around when we're cooking. Thanksgiving is when family helps family.

JAYLYNN:...But we're not family.

RK: Jaylynn, you're five seconds away from getting smacked.

JAYLYNN: Then it's like a Dig'em smack. Give me a smack and I'll smack you back.

(long pause)

RK: O...K?

BUSTER: I can't believe we have homework. What kind of sick man thinks it's OK to give Thanksgiving homework?

WADE: Buster, we just have to write a one-page essay on what Thanksgiving means to us. Be glad we have Greeley for English and not Andrews.

BUSTER: Yeah, but I want to reminisce on my past Thanksgivings. I have the feeling this one will suck.

SPARKY: Well, at least you're not kicking out homeless people this time.

(Buster angrily stares at Sparky, who smiles)

ASHLEY: Hey RK, have a...

RK: DABNEY!

(RK runs away)

ASHLEY: Guys, do you know why he's been doing that lately? Every time I try to talk to him, he just yells "DABNEY!" and runs away.

(Knowing of RK's crush on Ashley, Testicular Sound Express doesn't want to ruin it for him, and walk away from Ashley while whistling "If I Ruled The World (Imagine That)" by Nas featuring Lauryn Hill)

ASHLEY: (sucks teeth) Whatever.

SCENE 3

The Jennings Household

Interior Upper Level

Seattle, Washington

THANKSGIVING DAY-5:00 AM

Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn are all sleeping in their guest rooms. Actually, RK campaigned for Buster to sleep in his room. However, RK and KG are fresh as bees standing outside the rooms, and RK has a whistle.

(RK blows the whistle)

RK: EVERYBODY UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP!

(Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn immediately get out of their rooms, tired as tired can be)

WADE: Guys, what the hell is all this?

KG: We've only got ten hours until turkey time.

JAYLYNN: We've only got three seconds until "What the (bleep) is wrong with you?" time. What the (bleep) is wrong with you?

KG: Sparky, you can go back to sleep.

(Sparky does exactly that)

RK: Guys, understand this. If this is going to be the best Thanksgiving we've ever had, we're going to need to fight for it. We're all going to strive to put our best foot forward and get the job done.

BUSTER: Yeah, but can't we get the job done five hours from now?

KG: Sorry, Buster. Sleep is not a priority right now.

RK: The time is now to bust our asses and complete this assignment. OK? Now let's go!

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

THANKSGIVING DAY-11:35 AM

RK and KG's worst fears have been realized: They're making the Thanksgiving meal themselves. Meanwhile, the others are...doing what else? Watching TV.

RK: How is it that NOBODY decided to help us? We were forceful and everything.

KG: I think we should've been a little more forceful.

RK: I don't know. I like being forceful, but not too forceful. Oh no.

KG: What?

RK: Get the gloves! GET THE GLOVES!

KG: What is it now?

RK: Really, KG? Pepper on macaroni and cheese? The last time someone did that, the Tigers and Padres were in the World Series.

(RK winks at the camera)

KG: It's fine. It adds an old-school charm.

RK: Ugh, fine. But I want this meal to be perfect.

KG: And it will. With or without THEIR help.

BUSTER: Oh, hey, Sparky. We're watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

SPARKY: But it's almost 3:00 in New York. I know for a fact that the parade is over.

JAYLYNN: It's recorded. Wow, look at all these floats.

WADE: Yeah, there's the SpongeBob float.

(The SpongeBob float is shown)

WADE: There's the Adventure Time float.

(Finn and Jake from Adventure Time are shown, flying high over Manhattan)

WADE: And the big one: The VMA float.

(The VMA float is Miley Cyrus twerking on Robin Thicke)

SPARKY: Well, if you excuse me, I'm going to continue watching my football games. Ah, the NFL Thanksgiving Classic. This is what it means to be white.

(Sparky heads back upstairs)

(to Buster) JAYLYNN: What's all this?

BUSTER: Thanksgiving souvenirs and keepsakes. (holding a large roasted turkey bone) Oh, this is from my very first Thanksgiving. Roasted turkey, and it still has that smell from when I first ate it. You want to hold it?

JAYLYNN: Ewwwwwww, no. Why did you bring that?

BUSTER: Well, you can't expect me to bring any other turkey. This is my favorite one. And who eats honey-glazed turkey on Thanksgiving anyway?

JAYLYNN: No, I mean all this stuff. It's making me hungry. (stomach growling) Oy vey. This is not awesomesauce.

BUSTER: Like I said, I wanted to reminisce on all my past Thanksgivings. I love Thanksgiving. It's my favorite holiday of the year. Well, either that or Negro Day.

JAYLYNN: You mean Neighbor Day, where you do a good deed for your neighbors?

BUSTER: That's what I said. Negro Day.

JAYLYNN: No, it's Neighbor Day. You're saying Negro Day.

BUSTER: Oh. This won't sound very good out of context, will it?

JAYLYNN: What do you think? Hey, where's Wade? He was right here.

BUSTER: He's probably annoying Sparky with Thanksgiving facts. He does it to us every year.

SCENE 5

The Jennings Household

Guest Room #1

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is watching the first game of the day: The Green Bay Packers visiting the Detroit Lions on Fox)

SPARKY: Oh, come on, Rodgers! Jennings has been open all day. The Detroit free safety couldn't cover his head with a hat.

WADE: Speaking of hats, do you know what hats the Pilgrims wore?

SPARKY: Um, Wade? Look, we can just talk about this later. I mean, there's a game on and...

WADE: Wrong. It was a cockel hat used to block out the Sun. You could tell it was a Pilgrim because of a scallop shell on the upturned brim.

SPARKY: Good to know, buddy. But I really wanted to act like a lazy white guy today and...

WADE: Ah, just like the Pilgrims. Everybody thinks they were these hard-working fellows. And they were. But in actuality, they were a bunch of lazy, good-for-nothing murderers.

SPARKY: Oh, man. This is worse than last week when I tried to be impetuous.

Sparky and Halley are at Ike's.

SPARKY: Hmmmmmm. Gee, I simply don't know what to get, Halley. I guess I'm not as predictable as you thought.

HALLEY: Yes, you are. You're going to pick something different just to prove a point.

SPARKY: Or that's what you think. Maybe I was going to pick the same flavor of ice cream all along.

HALLEY: Or maybe I led you on into believing that for your own self-satisfaction.

SPARKY: Damn, I suck at being impetuous!

(long pause)

HALLEY: I don't know what that means.

SCENE 6

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

RK: Get the gloves! GET THE GLOVES!

KG: What...is it...NOW?

RK: KG...is that what I think it is on the table?

KG: It's a turkey, you perfectionist asshole. And it looks fine.

RK: No, that's not the point. I mean, it's a little bit too bulbous but whatever. There's just one thing I want to know. Just one...teensy-weensy little thing running through my mind right now.

KG: What?

RK: Where...is...the turducken?

(long pause)

KG: Heh?

RK: WHERE'S THE (BLEEP) TURDUCKEN?!

KG: Oh, that high cholesterol pusher? It's in the refrigerator. Maybe for Christmas, we'll invite some idiots who will eat anything to help us finish it.

RK: KG, I specifically said that we're eating a turducken for Thanksgiving dinner.

KG: RK, the turducken is morally unethical to the fabric of this holiday. What kind of sick man stuffs his face with one-third turkey, one-third duck, and one-third chicken at once?

RK: John Madden.

KG: Well, now we know why John Madden's dead.

RK: John Madden's not dead!

KG: Really? But to get back to topic, we can just eat that turducken crap some other time.

(Buster hears RK and KG squawking)

BUSTER: I had a feeling this would happen. RK is a perfectionist and KG is uncompromising.

JAYLYNN: I hope they stop arguing soon. I'm hungry.

BUSTER: Don't worry, Jaylynn. The dinner is coming. It's going to come. And it's going to be amazing. Just like the payoff for _Game of Thrones._

JAYLYNN: You sound just like George R.R. Martin. Neither of you know when something's coming.

SPARKY: Hey, if somebody was speaking bad about _Game of Thrones _just now, you're dead to me.

JAYLYNN: It was me.

SPARKY: Oh. But don't blame George for the payoff not coming. It has to be in line with the story and create tension.

JAYLYNN: How long are they going to create (bleep) tension?!

SPARKY: I don't know, ask George.

WADE: Hey, Sparky, why did you leave? I have more Thanksgiving facts to share.

SPARKY: Sweet Yeezus. Wade, I don't want to know more facts!

WADE: Don't worry, this one will be the icing on the cake.

BUSTER: We're having cake for dessert? I came here for pumpkin pie, people!

(long pause)

WADE: Anyway, in 1621, the first Thanksgiving dinner in the New World contained turkey, waterfowl, venison, lobster, clams, pumpkin...

(Sparky covers Wade's mouth with his hand)

SPARKY: Wade Rakim Saltalamacchia, you're annoying me! All I wanted was to lay back like a lazy, unemployed white American and watch some football this Thanksgiving. But you can't even do that for me. Can't you just leave me alone?

WADE: Oh, I see how it is. I just simply tried to...brighten your day with some Thanksgiving facts but apparently I was wrong. Apparently, Wade is lame. Right?

BUSTER: I don't think you're lame.

JAYLYNN: It's 80/20 with me.

WADE: And I at least thought an upstanding guy like Sparks here would care. But I was wrong about that too.

SPARKY: Wade, don't...

WADE: Forget it, I'll be in my guest room.

(Wade goes upstairs)

JAYLYNN: New England chestnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, hot apple pie with cold french vanilla ice cream...oh, baby, I can almost taste it. WHERE'S THE (BLEEP) FOOD?!

RK: OH, SO YOU WANT TO COOK THE MEAL BY YOURSELF? GOOD LUCK!

KG: YEAH, AT LEAST I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR ANNOYING ASS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK!

RK: YOU'RE LUCKY TO HAVE ME HERE, BRO! SO THE DINNER CAN BE DONE THE RIGHT WAY!

(The "oh-oh-ohhhhh" from the _Big Time Rush _theme song plays in the background as Sparky and Buster stare at each other, worried)

SEGWAY SEGMENT

JAYLYNN: Hello, and welcome to tonight's Segway Segment. Due to a lack of material, there will be no RoundTable this week. Instead, we will be showing you a classic music video tonight. All the videos from pop, rock, hip-hop, R&B, everything over the past generation. And here is our first one. "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)" by KRS-One featuring Keva. Enjoy!

Artist: KRS-One (featuring Keva)

Album: I Got Next

Year: 1997

(The video for "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)" plays)

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: Sparky, my man, I did not know you would go off on Wade like that. That was a very impetuous decision.

SPARKY: You...you think what I did was...impetuous?

BUSTER: Yes. QUITE impetuous.

SPARKY: Wow. Looks like Sparky Morton MacDougal can be impetuous. But wait, why do I feel so rotten?

BUSTER: I guess Wade thinks you hurt his feelings.

SPARKY: I didn't mean to. I just hate to be bothered when I watch football. I say things I don't mean.

BUSTER: I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way when I play checkers.

(Buster is able to defeat Wade)

BUSTER: TOUCHDOWN!

WADE: Buster, you dumbass, you're supposed to say "King me!" when you win, not "TOUCHDOWN!"

JAYLYNN: Hey, don't get mad at Buster. Just because he's a little slow.

(Buster gasps)

(in his head) BUSTER: Something said. Not good. Was it..."Don't get mad at Buster?!" No, that's OK. What was it? Slow! THEY CALLED YOU SLOW! (in reality) HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT?! I...

(Buster realizes what Jaylynn said three hours later, as he's the only one in his kitchen)

BUSTER: Oh, that's right, everybody left.

SPARKY: Not exactly sure if that's the same thing, but I can live with it. This whole Thanksgiving is going to Hell.

BUSTER: I think you're exaggerating. I got to polish all of my drink glasses from previous Thanksgivings. Check this one out. Fruit punch, 2008.

(Buster holds up his glass, which says "FP 2008" in red marker)

SPARKY: Buster, there's a moth hole in that glass.

BUSTER: No, it just naturally lost its way through age. Moth holes are just a myth. Like global warming.

SPARKY: Global warming's a myth? That sounds like something Republicans would say. Oh yeah, you ARE a Republican.

JAYLYNN: Hey, guys?

BUSTER: What, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Look at the TV.

(There's an advertisement for _Thank You, Heavenly _in Times Square, but only Jaylynn is able to see it)

SPARKY: I don't get it, what are we looking at?

JAYLYNN: That! That's us on that giant LED screen!

BUSTER: Jaylynn, why would we be advertised in Times Square? We're just five fourth-graders.

JAYLYNN: No, it's for the show! Our show was advertised in Times Square this morning!

BUSTER: What show? Jaylynn, I think you need to eat. It's messing with your brain.

SPARKY: Yeah, we really don't know what you're talking about with this whole show thing. Here's a Snickers. You're not you when you're hungry.

(Jaylynn eats the Snickers and rocks back and forth on the couch)

BUSTER: Hmmmmm. Maybe Thanksgiving IS going to Hell.

SPARKY: See what I mean? Wade is pissed, Jaylynn's going psycho, and RK and KG can't finish the dinner. This is worse than the time I auditioned to replace Left Eye.

(Sparky tries to perform Left Eye's rap during "Waterfalls," but his flow is terrible)

T-BOZ: Yo, Sparky, stop, stop, just stop.

SPARKY: What? It was perfect.

CHILLI: Sparky, your flow was all kinds of wrong, first of all. You sound too much like you're imitating Left Eye, alright? And I don't think you even know the whole rap.

SPARKY: I'm good, OK? You past-your-prime hacks wouldn't know the first thing about real talent.

T-BOZ: First of all, you're telling us, the audition holders, about real talent. We know real talent and you're not it.

CHILLI: Yo, Tionne, why are we wasting our time on a little kid?

SPARKY: Here's a hint: How about you just retire TLC instead of trying to find another Left Eye? You can't get that magic twice.

T-BOZ: He does have a point though.

(Sparky leaves)

CHILLI: No, seriously, why did we waste our time on that kid?

T-BOZ: You tell me, you're the one who thought he was cute.

SCENE 8

The Jennings Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

RK: Are you going to apologize so we can finish the Thanksgiving dinner?

KG: Not until YOU apologize for almost RUINING the dinner.

RK: Oh, that's a dub.

KG: What's a dub?

RK: That you know exactly what you did here today and yet you expect ME to take responsibility. You know what, I don't know why I even volunteered to cook the dinner with you this year.

KG: Oh, and you think you're an innocent bystander in all of this? You're exposed, RK. The shine's off the nickel. The cream is on the chestnuts. We can just add more cream to THAT chestnut you're dead wrong about. I had to put up with you micromanaging every bit of this dinner today. Constantly telling me something's missing or shouldn't be there, yelling at me to get the gloves. You don't even own surgical gloves, RK.

RK: I know. I got that from _Generic White Show._ But look, it's not going to be fun for either of us if we continue bickering like kids.

KG: But we ARE kids.

RK: You know what I mean.

KG: No. I really don't.

RK: KG, let's just finish the dinner and act like spoiled little princesses later, OK?

KG: Fine, it's your call. Those mashed potatoes could use a place on the table.

RK: And I happily acquiesce.

(RK puts the mashed potatoes on the table, right next to the macaroni and cheese)

KG: Get the gloves! GET THE GLOVES!

RK: Hey, that's my referenced line. And what's the problem now?

KG: RK, unless you were dropped on your head at birth, you know that the mashed potatoes go next to the turkey.

RK: Does it really matter?

(like a valley girl) KG: Uh...ya.

RK: Whatever. It's not my fault macaroni and cheese is the most important side dish on Thanksgiving.

KG: What? It's mashed potatoes and gravy.

RK: KG, I'm not bickering any longer. It's mac and cheese. Go watch _Everybody Hates Chris, _they'll tell you the same thing.

KG: Mashed potatoes and gravy. It's obvious.

RK: No, this is obvious: Mac and cheese.

(puts hand on RK's shoulder) KG: Mashed potatoes and gravy.

(puts hand on KG's shoulder) RK: Mac...and cheese.

(The Jennings brothers stare each other down, and start pummeling each other)

KG: MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY!

RK: IT'S MAC AND CHEESE, YOU DICK!

(Sparky hears RK and KG writhing on the floor in battle, while he tries to console a hungry Jaylynn)

JAYLYNN: Food...food...must...have...food.

SPARKY: I'm just going to ignore that. Don't worry, Jaylynn, it's OK. Let's both just shut up...and enjoy the game.

(The game Sparky is talking about is the Oakland Raiders/Dallas Cowboys matchup on CBS)

SPARKY: Raiders are practically giving this away.

JAYLYNN: Jennifer Lawrence is really sexy.

SPARKY: Wait...what?

SCENE 9

The Jennings Household

Guest Room #2

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: Now, Wade, Sparky is very sensitive about his football. You can't annoy NFL fans when the game starts. All he wanted was to be like a lazy, unemployed white American for one day. You could've at least given him that.

WADE: I guess so. But come on. Acting like a lazy, unemployed white American is something more than half this country already embodies. Watching football and knocking back Pepsi isn't the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

BUSTER: Then what do you think it is?

WADE: Education. Learning about the many facets of this historical holiday and remembering great Thanksgivings throughout history.

BUSTER: I have that covered. Want to see my lemonade glass from 2010?

(The glass says "L 2010" in yellow marker)

WADE: Not the same thing, Buster. I mean, real Thanksgivings. Ones that will be remembered for years to come. They're historical events that will live on in the annals of greatness forever.

BUSTER: Now I know why Sparky got pissed off earlier. If he doesn't know the true meaning of Thanksgiving, you sure as Hell don't.

(Buster leaves with his holiday memorabilia while Wade feels rotten)

SCENE 10

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: Sparky, time for the heavy-handed moral speech of the week.

SPARKY: Uh-huh. Just as soon as the game is over. Looks like the Raiders are choosing now to make a comeback.

(Buster sees RK and KG fighting, Jaylynn's final slip into the madness of madness, Sparky paying 100% attention to the Raiders/Cowboys game, and Wade looking up more Thanksgiving facts on his iPad)

BUSTER: THAT'S IT!

(Buster turns off the TV and swipes Wade's iPad)

BUSTER: EVERYBODY...SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP! NOW!

(RK and KG stop fighting and go into the living room, while Jaylynn slips out of her hunger-induced trance)

BUSTER: Are you guys joking? You have to be joking. I came here today for one of the best Thanksgivings ever. And I get this crap? Brothers fighting, my best friend going lazy on me, an entitled brainiac, and a psycho emo chick?

JAYLYNN: I'm not emo. I'm punk rock.

BUSTER: WHAT'S THE (BLEEP) DIFFERENCE?!

JAYLYNN: I don't know.

BUSTER: You guys are all forgetting what the true meaning of Thanksgiving is. It means spending quality time with your friends and family, being thankful for all the good things in your life. Not facts, not football, not food, not the perfect meal. There's supposed to be love, togetherness, care, unity, and fun times that bond us together. If we don't have that, what do we have?

(long pause)

RK: That speech was kind of effeminate.

(Buster angrily stares at RK)

RK: But, you're right. KG, I'm sorry for micromanaging the whole dinner. I just wanted everything to go right.

KG: And I'm sorry for not trying to compromise. I should've at least made the turducken for your sake.

RK: We were both pretty self-centered.

KG: And stupid.

SPARKY: Wade, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I just really wanted to watch the NFL games today.

WADE: And I'm sorry for annoying you with all those facts. I guess I need to understand that guys have to have football.

JAYLYNN: Awwww, that's sweet. When are we eating?

RK: As soon as the dinner is done.

JAYLYNN: Shit.

SPARKY: How about we all pitch in to finish it?

BUSTER, WADE, AND JAYLYNN: YEAH!

KG: Wow. This really IS the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

RK: LET'S GET TO WORK, GANG!

("Live While We're Young" by One Direction playing in the background)

Testicular Sound Express and KG decide to finish the meal together as initially planned. Even Sparky is helping out. Buster makes the decision to record everything with his camera. And there were lots of mishaps. But the dinner got done at 5:54 PM PST.

SPARKY: Wow, everything looks amazing.

RK: Now it's time to say what we're thankful for.

(imitating Big Bob Pataki) BUSTER: Well, I'm thankful for the beeper empire I started from the ground up. That put this fantastic spread on the table.

KG: Buster, stop quoting _Hey Arnold! _and tell us what you're really thankful for.

BUSTER: OK, OK. I'm thankful for a good home, good friends, good health, my new pen pal Jennessa Bryson, and good drinks. I can't wait to label this Fanta pineapple glass!

(clapping)

RK: Well, I'm thankful for my brother, who you guys lost out on having. These cooking skills, and of course, my group Testicular Sound Express.

(clapping)

KG: Yeah, I'm thankful for MY brother. You guys lost and we won this battle. Also, my guitar Paulina. She is the love of my life. And the fact that we're doing just fine holding this place up.

(clapping)

JAYLYNN: I'm thankful for the fact that I made a good thing out of a really bad thing that was my old life. And I'm thankful for Sparky, who has given me the chance to meet these guys and go through new experiences.

(clapping)

WADE: I'm thankful for...just you guys. You guys keep me grounded, keep me happy, keep me from getting a swelled head. Without you five, I would just have a big brain and an ego.

(clapping)

SPARKY: And I'm thankful for my girlfriend Halley, my cat Santa's Little Helper, my awesome hair, my pals, and my #1 pal Buster. He's the coolest guy in the world, no matter how many times people call him slow.

(Buster gasps)

(in his head) BUSTER: Something said. Not good. (in reality) HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT?!

SPARKY: I don't, it just goes around.

BUSTER: Oh, OK.

SPARKY: And to tomorrow, where we will rule the stores on Black Friday and get great deals before the holidays.

EVERYONE: TO TOMORROW!

THE NEXT DAY

BLACK FRIDAY-11:23 AM PST

Children's Hospital

Sparky, Buster, Wade, and Jaylynn are on heart monitors, having been brutally assaulted and severely traumatized.

DOCTOR: Well, it looks like your friends are all in a comatose state.

KG: Oh my God, this is terrible. RK, what the hell were you thinking?

RK: I'm sorry, KG. I thought if I attacked my friends with a sledgehammer, I would be able to move the lines easier.

(RK holds up his new PlayStation 4 while KG angrily stares at him)

RK: I was right.

TESTICULAR SOUND EXPRESS: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

("Burnin' Up" by the Jonas Brothers playing in the end credits)

©2013 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

HAPPY THANKSGIVING


End file.
